A Small World
by Inita
Summary: Post-game. Birthday gift for wingzero95/Jarrett. 'Knowledge isn't everything. When Shiki and Beat uttered those words, I knew I was alone once again...' light Neku/Shiki.


**A/N****: **_Hello, fellow TWEWY and/or Inita fans (not that there _are _any fans of the latter -shot-)! :D _

_This is strictly a post game one shot and focuses mainly on Neku and, to a lesser degree, Shiki. And finally, it's one of the birthday fanfics I wouldn't shut up about in my notes... Unfortunately, there was one that was originally due a few weeks back... And I'm only delaying that longer due to severe writer's block for that one shot. Fu**ing crack pairings ._.;; Love them, but they're difficult to write for if you want a fanfic that _actually _makes sense rather sense_less... _Anyway, before you read on, let me leave a note for a certain someone._

**Jarrett: **Hey, either the world is really ending, or I just got lucky because I uploaded your fanfic _on time_! :D Anyway, here it is, Jarrett :D I hope you like it, and before you start reading, I want to say thank you for being a very supportive friend :) I'm sorry some of my responses take so long to show up (because I'm slow like that), but I do enjoy our conversations; it takes my mind off a lot of things concerning offline life. You're a very kind person, Jarrett, and I'm more than happy to write this fanfic for you as a thanks for being such a good friend ^^ Enjoy.

_This one shot is strictly related to my headcanon, and yes, it is in first person. I suppose this was a bit of a risk, but I feel pretty confident with Neku. Plus, it may help with that stupid roleplay blog I have yet to start utilizing -.-;;_

_Disclaimer: I do not own TWEWY... Wait, something else goes here... Hmm..._

~.~.~.

My world really was small.

I hadn't noticed it before, but without my headphones, I was just... more alert.

Every day I heard the hum of the city, a sea of people hastily making way across the Scramble, heading to 104, Molco, the Stationside... wherever, really. My views had changed, but that didn't mean I was particularly concerned with what was truly on their minds, why they were trying to reach a certain destination. Sometimes, I wish the Player Pin would still work, so I could use it and tune in. Being stuck in the Reaper's Game for three weeks and suddenly thrown back into the RG... At first, it was difficult for me to grasp the fact that the pins didn't work here. Meaning I couldn't scan; I was just like everyone else.

I was not gifted with the ability to read people that well. One could have one thing on their mind, but I could interpret it in a completely different way, mistake it for something worse. I suppose this was what blockaded me from others; I struggled to open up because I was afraid to get hurt. When a friend falls, they pull you down with them – intentional or on accident. Back then, both were unacceptable slips, unforgivable. But my time, that whole month where I had to force myself to open up and trust others... It changed me, and my fear of that pain was gone. Not entirely, but for the most part, it was absent.

My hand brushes along the side of Hachiko's statue, welcoming the warmth of the heated metal, baked by the sun's rays. This place was important to me, and while normally crowded, it held significance, it was symbolic. In a way, the Players were like Hachiko, waiting for someone to meet them. I waited here more than once before, meeting each of my partners here with a bit of an exception for Beat.

Shibuya's weather was never wet nor cold; it was a summer heat year long. Winter sometimes reached strikingly freezing degrees and on a rare occasion, there was snow. So the sudden heat of metal hadn't fazed me one bit; it was welcoming, almost. It was a sure sign, along with the babble of passersby's, that I was free, alive.

Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme arrive before we prepare to head off for the day... I'm still waiting for one person, but... they're probably not going to show up for a while.

~.~.~.

I get the feeling that Shiki worries the most...

There are times when Rhyme will look at me, as if she understands something, but she never acts unless someone steps forward first. As for Beat, he never hesitates. But no matter the question, no matter how it's said, I just give them the same answer: I'm fine there's nothing to worry about. Let's go.

True, I had opened up to others, but that didn't mean my own privacy dissipated into thin air. There are just some things I needed to handle on my own first before letting my friends know what was swimming through my mind. If I told them anything about Joshua, how would they react? Would they immediately attack him with curses and anger? Or would they talk to me first and try to break it that Joshua _was never going to show up_? I don't like not being able to tell how they would react – friend or not. Perhaps it is bitter and a bit selfish, but if it prevents the friendship from breaking, then I was okay with keeping things to myself. The topic about Joshua was sensitive, and while Beat had informally referred to him as 'that Prissy-kid', they had half a mind to know not to question the bastard...

But still... Joshua is low. I'll admit that.

...Though I never expected him to stoop down to such a level.

~.~.~.

Although people "praise" me for remaining calm and quiet, I have a bad habit of screaming out my frustration or disbelief depending on the intensity of the subject. At that point, I had let out an enraged, "_What_?! What do you mean you _don't remember_!"

Shiki had flinched back from my volume, eyes cast downwards with the glasses sliding halfway down the bridge of her nose. She adjusted them hastily before responding, "I'm sorry, Neku," She began, pulling Piggy into a tighter embrace. "But I don't know who Joshua _really is_... Beat told me about him when I asked what happened while I was gone." Her gaze locked with mine, and her expression was distant, pitiful almost... Pitying _me_. "He must've been a good partner, and... I'm sorry for what happened..."

_What the hell was she going on about?_

Beat jumped the gun. "Ya said he was erased, wasn't he? I know in our las' week we took down Shades an' things went back to normal, yo..." He ruffled the beanie on his head, a nervous habit. "Is tha' what's been pullin' ya down lately?" I didn't respond so he continued (though knowing Beat, he would've continued regardless. "Phones, ya know you can talk to us, aight? We ain't gonna judge you, man..."

Rhyme was out of the picture, absent most of the journey. I couldn't - nor did I _want _to for that matter - pull her in for backup. She refused to intervene save for asking a few questions here and there, and who could blame her? Out of everyone, she knew the less - even less than Shiki and Beat with their wiped memories.

The truth is, Joshua was never erased; nowhere near. The front he held against the Grim Heaper after we were nearly hit by a level i. flare was just a faux. Had he been erased sometime over the weeks my friends and I were together in RG, I would've known. Mr. H wouldn't have been acting so casual had Joshua been killed. So put short, no one really knew what happened. Their memories were altered to fit something _he _would've approved of... That selfish, ungrateful bastard...

I excuse myself, heading towards the door without a glance over my shoulder. Shiki asks where I'm going and I can sense the hiked worry in her voice. I mutter, "Just for a short walk" and then I'm out, gone.

I was alone again.

~.~.~.

Mr. H's café was safe, and I did go there if I needed someone to talk to or just to recollect my thoughts. Today was different, and since my friends had no idea who Joshua truly was, I was hoping Mr. H could let me in on a few things. I wasn't asking for a process; I was asking for a short summary of what happened. How did Shiki and the others view Joshua? Just an average player, or was it more complex? I didn't know and I was craving the answers – _right _answers, not just a cover to protect Shibuya's Composer. Quite frankly, Mr. H had a habit of lying or neatly avoiding the topic of the Game...

"What's the matter, boss?"

Right. _Now _I should ask...

"A lot of things..." I start out, muttering. When he doesn't respond, I continue. "What did Joshua do to Shiki and Beat?"

Tension is high now, and there's no way of breaking it, _clearing _it, until we've gotten this out of the way... Or unless Mr. H decides to kick me out...

He sighs, scratching at the back of his head. "Well, you see, Neku..." his tone becomes serious with the next words. "It's classified, and unfortunately, I can't let you in on all the facts. It's clear that J decided to mix things up a bit, but it's not as if he told me anything. To be honest, I'm just as clueless as you. He may have hinted at a few things, but nothing more; for all you know, J's Conductor coul'dve been the Composer in their minds eye. After you defeated him, who knows what came next."

Something happened between both Joshua and Mr. H...

I wasn't finding out any time soon.

"Well, how's Joshua been?" I ask dryly, avoiding his gaze. Not only had my _un_life been hell, but now he's interfering with my new life? A new chance?

Mr. H shrugs, wiping at a stubborn stain with a filthy-looking dish rag. "Busy as he should be... Unfortunately not available for a conversation."

What, was he Joshua's receptionist now?

Things were definitely quiet and secluded when it came to the RG and the UG... At the time, I supposed it was best to just stay out of the way.

So I did.

~.~.~.

Shiki's worry seemed to grow until she had enough, calling me over to her house as soon as school ended that Friday. I was hoping she'd have a good grip on her emotions; she hadn't had the "greatest day" either... I wondered if that had something to do with her jealousy. Yes, we all grew and learnt from the Game, but that didn't mean things would _not _come back to haunt us...

That's how I ended up in her living room, sitting in a chair at the table opposite to her. She wouldn't stop staring and the whole look made me uncomfortable, so I just chose to look away, eyes darting from the ceiling, to the floor, the kitchen cabinets... anything that _wasn't _Shiki... or Piggy.

Finally, she had enough and stood up, planting her palms against the table firmly with a loud 'bang' that jostled my attention to her. "That's _enough_, Neku! What _is it? _You've been acting strange _all week_ long and you haven't told us a darn thing! I thought you were over this already!" She threw herself back into the chair, arms folded and eyes averted. Meanwhile, Piggy and I had a staring contest...

"I _am_, Shiki," I respond, cutting my gaze from her little companion. "I just don't know _how _to act, okay?"

She looks at me incredulously. "How can you 'not know how to act'?"

The urge to bang my head against the nearest wall sounds so tempting right now... "That's not what I meant. It's just... complicated, alright?"

"Oh, so you suppose it's too complicated for us to handle, huh? Is that it?"

My anger was rising. We weren't getting anywhere with this, and whatever I _could _say would mean nothing to her. If her memories were altered, what was the sense in trying to talk? I was the only one who knew who Joshua truly was aside from Mr. H. "I didn't say that," I snap, eyes narrowed. "It just won't make sense to you and you're only to get more confused than you are now."

"How can you be so sure?" She challenges, shooting back a glare of her own. "I don't know how I'll react or what I'll think because you won't _tell me_!" There is slight hurt in her voice, and it doesn't go by unnoticed. It's enough to make me cave in... almost.

I slouch in my seat, throwing up a mental white flag of defeat. She knew Joshua, Beat probably filled her in on my third week... She was just missing the whole part of week two. Sure, Beat knew a few things from being a Reaper, but he hadn't spent seven days with the little prick like I had. "Fine. You know Joshua, right?" She nods. "So you know he was my partner for the second week?" Another nod.

This was going to be long.

I filled her in on the events of week two, what I could remember. Surprisingly, she had remained quiet throughout nearly the whole tale, refusing to interrupt unless I had asked if she had any questions. When we had reached week three, the final day, I turned the table on her. "So what happened then?"

Shiki quirked an eyebrow. "You were there too, Neku... Remember?"

"That's not the point..." I have to lie. "I don't remember much of what happened, and now that you know Joshua wasn't really erased..."

"Then how come he wasn't with us?"

I have to hold back the impatience. "If you'd tell me what you know first, then I'll fill you in on that..."

She huffed, pouting. "Okay, well... We fought that guy, remember? The one with the shades? What was his name, do you know?"

"Megumi." I supply simply.

"Right... Well, we defeated him in his Noise form, and..." She frowns, trying to remember. "And I don't think anything happened after that; I just woke up in the RG in my own body. I had raced to Eri's house first and she apologized, saying I had disappeared for a month and that she had blamed herself for it. Then a week later we agreed to meet up at Hachiko..." Shiki shrugs, sitting back. "That's what I remember. I'm being honest." The frown is back on her face, eyes highlighted with concern. "What do _you _remember?"

So Joshua had completely wiped himself from the picture. The final Game we had, the countdown... I was one of the three who knew what really happened – me, Mr. H, and Joshua himself. Shiki, Beat, Rhyme... They all believed Shades was the Composer, and that Joshua was just an unfortunate player. A _special _player, who had been alive during my second week. Their Joshua died against Sho Minamimoto.

I know Mr. H and the Composer probably wouldn't be too happy if I spilled everything to Shiki here...

...But I tell her my own version, my own take.

I had forced her into a corner, and she had done the same to me. It wouldn't be fair if I wormed my way out. But I couldn't exploit Joshua's secret; I trust him and if he feels the same, then where would it put me if I blew everything apart from here?

Shiki is left with the impression that Joshua saved us from Minamimoto and that's about it. The countdown I really had with Joshua stayed with me; I cover as I tell her my side.

Though I feel alone and isolated, I'm at least aware that I can put my trust in her too.

~.~.~.

**A/N: **_Okay, so nowhere near what I expected... Sorry the lenght was so short :/ But this went from being a plain one shot about Neku, to a dedication fanfic with small platonic Neku/Shiki. This fanfic is a vital part of my headcanon, so I will be recommending this fanfic in my future TWEWY fanfics that take place after the first game._

_Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this – especially Jarrett – and I have one more birthday gift to upload and then I have a break until January :) (which isn't that far anway...)_

_Keep an eye out for "**Tacet Syncopation**" chapter 5, and "**Fragments of a Dream"** chapter 6. And one more thing before I go:_

_~*~*~* Happy Birthday, Jarrett! :D ~*~*~*_

**~ Inita**


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